I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
