I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
What drink are we having for lunch?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
