maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
