1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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