Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
