Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I think your dad took our porno
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
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