Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
