24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
