he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
you never un-have a 4some
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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