do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
