just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
