Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
