I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
