"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
