last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
