OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
