Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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