i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
