you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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