I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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