Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
