Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
