Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
