I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
