he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
