Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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