he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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