Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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