My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
