I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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