In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
