I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
