you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
