I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
