You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
