Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
