3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
