I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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