What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
