guys are not supposed to queef...right?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
