i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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