I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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