omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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