i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
