420 ftw
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
