made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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