you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
