Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
