its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
