yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
