i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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