You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
