Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize