I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
