i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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