Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
