Im at strip club and am horny
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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