dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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