At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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