Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
