this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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