I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
