U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
