I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
