one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Use "feeling words"
Yay
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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