i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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