Screwed.edu
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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