Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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