I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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