I bet he comes in French.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
