...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
