haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
