YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
