my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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