I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize