false alarm. still invincible.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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