Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
