i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize