Banned from zoo.
Again?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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