I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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