the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
