Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
