i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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