I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
