we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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