Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
