i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
These tits shall not be calmed
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
